Technology has really altered the way society communicates with one another. In a century where people can globally communicate with each other in a blink of an eye, there is a misconception that people who use
cyber communication are acting inappropriately and are not using proper etiquette. Unfortunately, I have to concur that I can't go anywhere without observing the improper use of modern technology and technology being used in inappropriate places. I see bus drivers and postal workers speaking on the phone while driving the bus or distributing the mail, people are twittering and using
facebook during dinner and during class, and people are using
facebook to complain about their bosses and friends who have angered them. Emily Post would burn her etiquette book if she witnessed these miscarriages of poise and decorum!
Now a new phenomenon has hit the
cyber talk show, relationship break-ups have now become a continuous segment to
facebook, and couples are now dissolving their relationship via
facebook...Is this suitable? Will this form of communication now be a permanent staple in our now computer dominated society?
I do agree that pe
ople are using technology inappropriately but I also believe that sometimes an email or
facebook can be used proactively in somewhat impossible situations. I know that I am going to get
alot of opposition for saying this...but if used properly, I believe that
facebook (sending a private email and not broadcasting your woes for the world to view) can be used, sometimes, in these situations. Before you start sending the hate comments, listen to my reasoning. Although Emily Post etiquette guide addresses the proper etiquette for breaking up with a person, the reality of this new etiquette singularity is not going to go away. Emily Post writes, "Someone
you've been close to is owned a face-to-face meeting. Do not use anyone as an intermediary. Don't resort to a Dr. John or Dear Jane letter. Don't email or fax." I agree with her but I believe that there is away to use email and
facebook properly without undermining your values. Here are ways to use technology appropriately in impossible situations:
Make sure that
email and facebook are the last resort: If the person that you want to resolve a relationship is unreachable and you have exhausted all other means of communication, I believe that an email is appropriate. I was recently in a situation where the person I wanted to end a relationship with wasn't responding to my repeated attempts to communicate with them. They were totally unresponsive, they were not returning my calls, I left messages for that person and I tried desperately to find out what went wrong. When I finally spoke with this person, I asked what was wrong and the person didn't give a viable explanation to what was happening between us. So I sent an email because I needed to speak what was on my heart and I needed that person to be a captive audience, so that no denials, interruptions or untruths could enter into the dialogue.
Don't bring up everything they ever did to you, get to the point.Although this was done via email, I addressed the issue. I didn't bring up everything that went wrong in our relationship...because a lot of things went right. I just stuck to the issue at hand.
Avoid Name Calling or Inappropriate language.
Ending a relationship or even a friendship is hard and ending a relationship well is an oxymoron. However, it can be done in a respectful and considerate way. This can be achieved if you avoid any blaming, name calling or any other inappropriate language, Reassure the person, never devalued the relationship and acknowledged the good experiences and the growth that you received from being with them.
Use Discretion.
After you have dissolved the relationship, don't broadcast the break-up or forward the email to anyone else. Confidentiality is key. The last act of respect and kindness that you can show to that person is keeping everything that was said between the two of you.
Finally, breaking up with someone is always a difficult thing to do. However, always remember that you are responsible for delivering the news in a manner that is respectful and that displays a genuine concern for the persons well being. Although, It is always more appropriate to deliver such news in person, if email is your only viable option, if you follow the etiquette guidelines above, you can still maintain proper decorum and spare yourself any unforseen drama.
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